Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Football is way more entertaining than real life

An orgasmic, gluttonous day of football watching was capped off tonight by one of the 10 best football games I feel I've ever seen. My OU and Big XII ties had me pulling for the favored Sooners (I should say the David-versus-Goliath, or call them 'big dogs,' since those two trite analogies were RELENTLESSLY POUNDED into my brain by Cliche Kingpin and lovable dwarf Thom Brennaman), but as Mr. Carter says, "Real recognizes real." Boise State proved that they are, in fact, realer than we all believed.

Bronco quarterback and obvious toolbox Jared Zabransky managed to spearhead a ridiculous touchdown drive to tie the game in the final minute of regulation, despite his Vanderjagt earring and bad tattoos. The game will serve as fantastic fodder for people to bitch about this sport not having an actual post-season with merit. I can't worry about that now, though, because I'm still aflutter from the insanity that took place in Phoenix tonight.

Twelve hours of college football taught me alot today. I learned that Carmen Electra digs scraggly, unkempt men who are fond of 1.99 burritos. Ford apparently likes to live on the edge, and features an amazing new car that can drive on rooftops. I also wondered how much money Will.I.Am has banked off the liscensing to "Let's Get Retarded/It Started," which, under FCC regulations, must be featued in 1 out of every 12 advertisements. Altogether, now: "THIS IS OURRRR COUNTRRRRYYYY." Excuse me, I'm going to go shove a golf tee into my inner ear.

Sadly, and obviously, the joy of today was tempered by the sad death of Denver Bronco CB Darrent Williams. To me, the loss is another example of alcohol and egoes exploding in senseless violence. Happy New Year everybody!

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